LHC - Large Hadron Cafetière

I find the work that has got underway again at Cern on the Large Hadron Collider quite fascinating. I was mulling it over as I stirred cream into my coffee, and noticed how the cream took resembled the spiralling of a galaxy. The scientists say that the astral bodies (galaxies and the like) could only be moving at the rate observed if surrounded by invisible dark matter. In other words, what they are looking for is the coffee. And the question should be, not what it consists of but how long elapses between it being stirred and it being drunk.

In hommage to Grommet

Since today is a Tuesday, I should like to pay my respects to a funny little chap who we all called Grommet when I worked as a municipal gardener in Bury. He looked like a hobbit, or rather a hobbit crossed with a troll, but he was a cheeky chappy, and when I found out many years after leaving blue-collar labour behind me that he'd died of liver disease I felt sad.
Anyway, since this is a Tuesday, it reminds me of Grommet, who would saunter into the tearoom of a Tuesday morning and yell out in something resembling a singing voice: "Kiss me dick on a Tuesday."
Then again he said that every other day of the week as well. As far as I know, no-one ever took him up on it.

Jonathan... Jonathan... I can't say it

Just been watching the ubiquitous Jonathan Ross, this time on Film 2010, where he just fell short of declaring the new Scorsese flick as "weally quite pwepostewous".
For all his massive earnings, and undoubted charisma based on his sharp and voluble wit, it just occurs to me that he's the only TV presenter that I can think of who is unable to actually pronounce his own surname.

Phil Archer - closet homosexual!!!

Just catching up on The Archers, and while they're clearing away the stuff of the late, lamented Phil Archer, Jill goes under the stairs and says "It's a real glory hole down here". I wonder who used to stand on the other side while Phil waiting for some passing trade.