Harry Grotter

I'm really pissed off that JK Rowling got in there first. I'd written a whole series of books about the apprentice wizard, Harry Grotter, when she happened to publish her first volume. Shite! All mine got rejected on the grounds that I was just some bloke trying to cash in writing some fantasy bollocks for kids, whereas she with her aura of struggling single mum rocking baby in the pram while she writes her books in a café to keep warm and fed on cream teas makes a bastard mint. Makes you sick. I've given up writing fiction and now I do some slaughtering instead and recount it in documentary form.