LHC - Large Hadron Cafetière

I find the work that has got underway again at Cern on the Large Hadron Collider quite fascinating. I was mulling it over as I stirred cream into my coffee, and noticed how the cream took resembled the spiralling of a galaxy. The scientists say that the astral bodies (galaxies and the like) could only be moving at the rate observed if surrounded by invisible dark matter. In other words, what they are looking for is the coffee. And the question should be, not what it consists of but how long elapses between it being stirred and it being drunk.

In hommage to Grommet

Since today is a Tuesday, I should like to pay my respects to a funny little chap who we all called Grommet when I worked as a municipal gardener in Bury. He looked like a hobbit, or rather a hobbit crossed with a troll, but he was a cheeky chappy, and when I found out many years after leaving blue-collar labour behind me that he'd died of liver disease I felt sad.
Anyway, since this is a Tuesday, it reminds me of Grommet, who would saunter into the tearoom of a Tuesday morning and yell out in something resembling a singing voice: "Kiss me dick on a Tuesday."
Then again he said that every other day of the week as well. As far as I know, no-one ever took him up on it.

Jonathan... Jonathan... I can't say it

Just been watching the ubiquitous Jonathan Ross, this time on Film 2010, where he just fell short of declaring the new Scorsese flick as "weally quite pwepostewous".
For all his massive earnings, and undoubted charisma based on his sharp and voluble wit, it just occurs to me that he's the only TV presenter that I can think of who is unable to actually pronounce his own surname.

Phil Archer - closet homosexual!!!

Just catching up on The Archers, and while they're clearing away the stuff of the late, lamented Phil Archer, Jill goes under the stairs and says "It's a real glory hole down here". I wonder who used to stand on the other side while Phil waiting for some passing trade.

Hungry war robots

Funny this morning on the radio. On the Today programme on Radio 4 they're interviewing some military bod about a robot that derives its power from consuming organic materials, and Evan Davies puts it to the spokesman that the fear would be of these machines feasting on dead soldiers. The spokesman counters this by saying that these robots are designed mainly to feed on plant materials, and in any case they have to be programmed - there's a MENU! I laughed my socks off when I heard that, but no-one in the studio seemed to spot the joke.
While on the subject of inadvertent hilarity, it reminds me of a Colemanball that I heard the other week while watching the Africa's Cup semi involving Algeria, when they had a player sent off, for the commentator to utter: "He probably should already be off the field after headbutting the referee." It didn't make anyone in the commentary team laugh! I ask you, sense of humour bypass or what.

Love thy neighbour

I have a friend who earns a lot of money and to assuage his conscience he does some charity work for the physically and mentally handicapped. I asked him if he did it regularly and he said no, only spas-modically.

Taxe Professionnelle - l'arnaque à la française

Il est grand temps qu'ils suppriment cette taxe néfaste en France, ou au moins qu'ils la rendent plus équitable.
Considérez la situation d'un quidam qui travaille à son compte (comme, en l'occurrence, moi-même).
Déjà ils prennent comme base de calcul les 6% de tes recettes : non, pas de tes bénéfices (c-à-d, ce que tu as gagné), mais de ton chiffre d'affaires global.
Pire encore : ce sont tes recettes globales PLUS la TVA y afférente : or, tu paies donc la taxe SUR les taxes (que tu as, d'ailleurs, récolté gracieusement pour le compte de l'Etat). Ça vaut la peine de tarder sur ce point : effectivement, on est taxé sur une taxe qui déjà ne te rapporte rien. Pas étonnant de voir le niveau de criminalité s'envoler partout : ça commence dans les institutions avec leurs arnaques réglementaires.
Et ce matin j'entends aux infos que La Poste avait été exonérée de paiement de la taxe professionnelle, sauf qu'elle doit maintenant la payer car l'Union Européenne juge qu'il s'agit d'un "cadeau" sans justification.
Et mon cadeau, il est où ?